A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
