She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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