u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my poor anus
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
