I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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