tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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