there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
