He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
