she was so not down for the gang bang
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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