***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
