yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
