did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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