Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
