New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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