Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
