currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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