I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
