You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
