Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
