one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
