i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
