Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we made out on top of his cat.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
