first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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