i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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