I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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