I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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