At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
