I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
