Kareoke will never be a sober sport
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
