Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
