I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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