She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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