whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
