birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
