Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
