I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
