Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
