that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
