I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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