I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
