I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
