I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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