my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
did you just send me my own nude
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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