I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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