Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
