you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
