just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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