got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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