you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
