someone get that fucking seahorse.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize