no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
