Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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