Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
