I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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