My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
