Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
