I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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