Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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