I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize