girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
