I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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