Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
