i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
