I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
