we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
