Porn is love you can see.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
not ubering you a puppy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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