So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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