my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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