someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
