I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
