i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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