I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
