maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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