Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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